I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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