New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
