I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
