party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
