I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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