Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
