Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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