I accidentally had phone sex last night
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
