My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
