you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
