those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
