Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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