also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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