I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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