somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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