nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
