He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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