yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
