she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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