1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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