I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So vagazzling was a success
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
