tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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