went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
