I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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