i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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