well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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