Non-Jews are for practice
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
