Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize