Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
