the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
