shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
