I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
