she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
