the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
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i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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