if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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