My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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