apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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