I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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