rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
