Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
