Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
