I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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