I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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