I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
