I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
