We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize