you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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