Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
