No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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