Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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