There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
