Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
