I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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