do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
