I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She's JV to your varsity
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
