Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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