there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
