this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
