she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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