the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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