if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Houston, we have a squirter
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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