Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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