i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
