My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think I won the penis lottery.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
