He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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