So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The adults are the big ones right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize