if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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