Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
