just survived the first fart of the relationship.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize